


More than Enough

by thilesluna



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Spoilers, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues, The Stolen Century, character injury, i just figure i won't tag them, the rest of the IPRE is there too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:09:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilesluna/pseuds/thilesluna
Summary: Magnus knows what the rest of the crew of the Star Blaster have to offer to the Light of Creation, but what can he possibly give to it that would be worthy?





	More than Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I just have a lot of feelings about Magnus and his self doubt and the things Travis said on twitter. I've never written for TAZ before but hopefully I can more in the future!

Magnus Burnsides doesn't think that he's dumb. In his own right, he's actually pretty fucking brilliant if he has to be honest, but the thing about this mission and this particular crew is that they're so much  _more_. 

 

He stands at the edge of the platform, carved wooden duck clutched tightly in his hands, and Magnus hesitates.

 

\--------------

 

He could watch Lucretia's pens flying across her notebooks for hours. It doesn't matter if she's writing or sketching, Magnus thinks that watching her work is completely incredible. Her brain moves so fast and is so light on it's figurative feet that he feels dizzy with it sometimes. And Lucretia, wonderful, beautiful Lucretia just laughs and blushes when Magnus asks to sit with her as she writes and draws because to her, it all seems normal. When he tells her that he thinks she's the most important part of their crew she brushes off the comment with a small smile. Magnus shakes his head because he knows that if this journey does end, her journals will be filled with the most important story ever told.

 

Davenport is the kind of leader that you grow up reading about in adventuring books and hear about in hushed whispers in the dark corners of taverns. A presence that sweeps up over people and collects them to his side with barely a word. Despite his stature and his bouts of nervous energy, Magnus has never felt more together than serving their beloved captain.

 

Lup, for all intents and purposes is the fire and light guiding them. The thing about fire is that it's dangerous and unpredictable and in her hands it's fierce and burning but he can feel the protection that's woven through her spells. To feel that power and have the magic rip through the air knowing that she does it for them, for her family, makes Magnus's heart stutter. He's never seen anything like her before and is almost certain he never will again.

 

If Lup is flame, Barry is ice. He's a jumble of nerves and insecurities but at his core he's a man of science. Well, science and magic. Magnus has, on more than one occasion, sat quietly in the corner to watch Barry work. He wishes he could follow the twists and turns and leaps that the man's mind takes. Barry is so  _smart_. It makes Magnus feel incredibly small but he relishes in the way Barry's eyes come alight with each new problem to solve and every solution he wrestles from research and cleverness. 

 

Merle is solid. He's an extension of the ground that holds them up and keeps them steady. No matter the time or the place or the alternate dimension, Merle is Merle and it sets Magnus at ease more than he can express. For all his blustering and all his poorly executed jokes, Magnus knows that Merle runs deep. Deep like the roots of a tree, settled into who he is because that person is  _good_  and loyal and  _capable_  beyond what he thinks. The way he shows he cares is buried just as deep but on more than one occasion, Magnus has been privileged to see it. Despite his initial opinion of the cleric, Magnus has found that there are few people he trusts more in this, or any world.

 

Taako confused Magnus for the longest time. Outwardly, Taako Taaco, like his sister, is sharp. Sharp features, sharp tongue, sharp magic boiling beneath his skin. Except. Except that Taako plays a role that Magus didn't get at first. Magnus had seen Taako's brilliance, his ingenuity, many times at the IPRE before the mission truly began but sometimes, Taako plays himself to be, for lack of a better word, an idiot. He says things that make Lup roll her eyes and then winks at Magnus while playing up the role. 

 

It's not until they meet less than favorable inhabitants of a world that Magnus really understands the game Taako runs. They're captured and thrown into a prison  and the whole time, Taako plays up his idiocy, making himself unassuming and easily overlooked. Magnus takes the worst of the beatings if only because he throws himself at the guards every time they go for someone else and each time he's dragged back to the cell he sees the hardness grow in Taako's eyes. And in Lup's and Merle's and each of the others in turn. He grins at them and wipes blood from his lips because he is not smart like Barry and he's not a leader like Davenport and he's not important like Lucretia. 

 

(He doesn't say these things because they would argue and he knows his job for this crew. He won't let them take it from him.)

 

Sometimes they take one of the others and they come back with bruises and scrapes and Magnus's blood boils. Magnus is the tank. He's the body behind the brains of his crew and he may not have signed up as a sacrifice, but he's traveled with them for 25 years and he'll be damned if he lets them be hurt. 

 

(Somewhere, a prophecy begins to take shape that will mean nothing until it means everything.)

 

They come for Barry again--Magnus thinks they must know all their roles by now, going for the captain then the science officer and then the holy man--and before he can shoot forward oh unsteady legs, Taako beats him to it and he panics. 

 

"Alright my dudes," Taako drawls. "Enough with this."

 

The guard laughs. "We're not here for you. What good would questioning you be? You've proven to know nothing. Your head's as empty as a gourd."

 

"Right you are, my man," Taako says. His grin is lazy but Magnus knows that to be for appearances only. He's known Taako's lazy smile for a quarter of a century and the one pulling at his lips is laced with something dangerous. "But let's give it a shot anyway." He traces his finger on the rough stone of the cell and Magnus sees Lup's eyes zero in on the movement. She catches Magnus's gaze and smirks. 

 

He realizes then that they've made a plan while he was sleeping off the last round of beatings and his heart races. The men don't shackle Taako, just shrug and lead him out. Magnus scrambles forward just as the door closes, slamming against it. "No!" 

 

The place where Taako traced his fingers glows faintly and Magnus doesn't understand the spell but he knows that his gut feels cold at the thought of Taako being taken.

 

There's a hand on his arm, soft and cool on his bruised skin. "Magnus, it's okay," Barry says. "He knows what he's doing."

 

And he did.

 

Magnus isn't sure how, but they escape. Taako ends up with a slashed side and a black eye but he's grinning from ear to ear as he tells them about his grand plan and how he single handedly took out four soldiers and then doubled back to get them. Magnus can't look anywhere but the bloody hand Taako's got pressed to his side as Merle heals him and excuses himself the first chance he gets. 

 

They still have 6 months on this world so they fly away to see if there's anyone else they can trade with. The planet turns out to be otherwise empty and none of them really give a shit enough to save the mercenaries who inhabit the civilization they ran from so they just, float above the far side of the planet, occasionally making trips to the deserted land below to explore and hone their skills. 

 

Magnus heals slowly, his broken bones and bruises mend and fade over time and he remains with the ship in the mean time. Merle offers to heal him but Magnus refuses. He likes the excuse it gives him to shut himself away. 

 

Lup catches him on the deck one night, propped up against the rail despite his protesting ribs.

 

"Magnus, go the fuck to sleep," she says, stifling a yawn. Her arms fold over the railing next to his and she rests her head on them, turning to look up at him.

 

He smiles down at her, shrugging his good shoulder. "Not tired."

 

"Horseshit," she shoots back, raising an eyebrow in a way that Magnus has only seen the Taacos do. He wants to laugh but he doesn't. "What's eating at you, dude?" Magnus shrugs again. He uses both shoulders and feels his face pull into a wince. Lup frowns. 

 

"Don't know how to explain it," he says and it's not avoidance, not really, because he honestly has no idea how to explain what he's thinking without spilling too much. 

 

"Hoooorshiiiiit," Lup sing-songs, wiggling her eyebrows at him in a way that does finally coax a smile to his face.

 

Magnus thinks for a minute and then sighs, looking back out over the sleeping world. "It's just--I didn't do my job," he manages finally.

 

Lup lifts her head and he catches her cocking it to the side out of the corner of his eye. "You're the security officer," she says. She waves a hand at the ship. "We're secure."

 

"Now we are," Magnus mutters. "But before--I couldn't protect you. I didn't--Taako got hurt."

 

"Yeah, and?"

 

"My job is to make sure you guys don't get hurt!" Magnus sputters. "I didn't do my job!"

 

He's not sure what he was expecting but the harsh laugh that spills from Lup was not it. "Are you fuckin' serious Magnus?" He looks at her and she's staring at him like he's got 3 heads--which they've actually been to a planet with creatures like that so maybe it's no longer that good of an idiom to use?

 

He  _knew_  she wouldn't get it. He  _knew_  it wasn't worth explaining. "Never mind," he says quickly. "I was--it was a goof. Forget it."

 

Magnus doesn't jump when she rests a hand on his arm but it's a near thing.

 

"Listen here, pal," Lup starts. Her voice is hard but not in a way that makes Magnus's hackles rise. He realizes that she's not mad at him but she is mad. "I don't know what the deal with this is, or where you got this dumb shit idea from but protecting us doesn't mean getting the shit kicked out of yourself."

 

"I'm the body," Magnus tries again. He doesn't know how to make her understand what he can barely articulate himself. "I take the hits and I give the impor--I uh, give you guys the time to get safe."

 

Lup narrows her eyes and he feels like his skin is on fire-- _it's Lup,_  he thinks,  _so it's a distinct possibility_. "You were going to say 'important ones', weren't you?"

 

Magnus averts his eyes and avoids the question. "Taako shouldn't have gone with them. He got hurt."

 

A silence falls over the two of them. Magnus has known Lup long enough to know that silence is never good. 

 

"Magnus," she says and her voice is soft in a way he's not expecting. It makes him flinch. "Magnus,  _you_  got hurt," and she says it like a plea he doesn't understand how to answer.

 

He shakes his head. "I can take getting hurt."

 

"We  _can't_ ," Lup says and it doesn't make  _sense_. He opens his mouth to ask or argue or _something_  but she stops him with a look. "Magnus," and she's picking her words carefully in a way that makes him feel slow and scared because maybe he  _is_  just as many worlds behind them all as he feels. "Magnus how did you feel when you saw that Taako was hurt?"

 

The question catches him off guard and he answers the first thing that comes to his head. "Helpless. Out of control.  _Scared_."

 

"Darling, how do you think we feel when you get hurt?" Magnus's eyes snap to hers and he blanches when all he sees is honesty and sincerity and just a faint trace of pain. He wants to make it go away but he can't think of how to do it. 

 

"I'm sorry," is all he comes up with. He decides that he can't look any more, choosing instead to avert his eyes to the night sky. "Sometime I feel like..." he thinks for a second, unsure how to phrase it. "I feel like I don't contribute. You and Taako have magic and Barry and Lucretia are so smart. Davenport keeps us together and Merle grounds us but what do I do, Lup? I hit things and try to fight bears. Nothing I can do comes close to touching you guys."

 

There's a beat and then, "You're more of an idiot that Taako if you think that, Burnsides." She slaps him on the arm gently. "Look at me."

 

He does that.

 

"You're not a punching bag or a catchers mitt or some other sports analogy for stuff that gets hit a lot." Lup takes his hand, much larger than hers but somehow it feels like she's wrapped him all up. "You're our teammate and our family," she says, voice back to being soft and warm. She squeezes his hand in reassurance for a moment before her grip tightens to just shy of painful. "And if you ever pull that shit again," she goes on, much less soft, "I will Fireball your ass so goddamn fast and the next thing you'll remember is waking back up on the ship." She lets go and pats his hand twice lightly but with finality. "Goodnight Magnus."

 

He swallows and nods. "Goodnight Lup." 

 

He doesn't sleep that night.

 

\-----------

 

The duck is solid in his hands. He shifts the weight of it from one to the other, digging his fingers into the tiny stains of dark brown from clumsy fingers and excited nerves. 

 

He thinks of the song they'd heard when they'd landed all those months ago. He thinks of the music he's heard Davenport sing and the painting Lucretia has been working on and looks a down at his duck with all its imperfections.

 

 _I'm the duck_ , he thinks.  _What would the Light of Creation possibly want with my shitty, wooden duck?_

 

Magnus faintly hears a smattering of calls, words of encouragement but they're drown out by the rushing in his ears and the voice in his head telling him that there's no  _point_  to all of this. 

 

His fingers tighten on the wood but his feet are moving and he's in front of the pedestal and then--the duck is swallowed up by the blinding flash of light. His eyes refocus and it's gone.

 

And Magnus panics. 

 

This was  _stupid_. So fucking stupid. He wants to rush in and grab it back but he can't because it's gone. He forgets the details of the duck in that moment. He forgets the uneven lines carved into its sides and the stains and the slightly lopsided beak. He remembers leaning over a block of wood in the workshop but he can't see what he was working on. Its very surreal and strange to know the work and effort that was put into something he created but have no memory of the finished product. 

 

They wait and it's probably only seconds but seconds is more than enough time for Magnus to twist his hands and entwine them and dig his blunt fingernails into his skin. The sharp pinch grounds him as he watches the mouth of the cave. 

 

There's a moment where he's sure that his work will rejected. Magnus thinks wildly that he could jump onto the Star Blaster and escape this world to avoid the embarrassment but he stays rooted to his spot and waits. 

 

It's not the same as before, like when they've seen the Light take other works. This time, the flash of light is not as bright but Magnus lets out a noise when the dim light emerges and he remembers his duck with its uneven lines and lopsided beak. There's wild applause and his professor claps him on the back. 

 

Magnus starts to cry, his heart soaring as Lucretia grins at him and Taako throws him a lazy thumbs up and for the first time in a long while, he feels like he's  _enough_.

**Author's Note:**

> If there's any tags I missed, please let me know!


End file.
